"Are You Sure About This?"

This incredibly detailed account of a mother trying to decide whether to stop the car or piss herself was an unexpected find. (Actually, whether to piss her kid's diaper). I was searching for something else--I forget what--and happened upon a blog entry by Sonya Spillmann that I just had to share. The below is just an excerpt; the full post can be viewed on her blog at the blue link.

(Not the author)

"Are You Sure About This?"

by Sonya Spillmann Ok. If I stay in the car: worst case scenario? I pee my pants. 

If I wake them up and go in? They will probably cry. It’s possible I’ll be able to hold it till I sit down properly in a stall, but sometimes my bladder is like a barn-sour horse—it knows what’s about to happen so it starts to run home. I picture myself with urine dribbling down my legs, walking like I’m in a three legged race with the carseat banging against my leg, lift-carrying a screaming noodle-limp tantruming toddler and collecting all the crap that's falling out of my diaper bag. If we make it through that, it’s possible the kids scream bloody-murder in the car for the next four hours and be cranky for the next two days before I turn around and come right back home. 

My throat tightens. My face sours. Water will either spill from my eyes or my undercarriage. I need to act quick. I have two sleeping kids, two-thirds of the trip left, and a topped off bladder. 

Then, just like that, as if the Spirit whispers it in my ear and some fairy blows glitter onto my thoughts: You have diapers. And then it all clicks into place like a puzzle. Diapers. A portable potty. Plastic bags. I’m the MacGyver of motherhood. 

Time is ticking, no time to think. The bomb will explode. I grab a diaper. No, two. I take a second to appreciate the inane discrepancy between the size of adult diapers we use in the hospital versus these itty-bitty newborn size 1s and I do my best baby pee : adult pee / kilogram estimation, as objectively as if I’m trying to convert how much infants tylenol to give a grownup for a fever. 

I stack the two diapers. Put them inside the plastic grocery bag—a safety net, if you will—and smooth it all out nicely before placing the portable potty on top. I raise my rear, thighs bumping up against the steering wheel, and slide the whole jury rigged pee catcher underneath me.    

I’m now under what a weather forecaster might call a Flash Flood Warning. Baby diapers don’t do well in a deluge. The sound changes, for one. From the dull thudding to a tinkling smack. Liquid onto liquid. I didn’t prepare for this. I cannot see, but sense, that my urine is pooling in the grocery bag. Then, the bag’s center of gravity shifts and I feel it begin to move beneath me. I try, oh God do I try, but I cannot slow down what I have set into motion. No amount of squeezing or praying will prevent the levee from breaching. I’m overwhelmed by my impending doom. 

Pee goes everywhere. 

Afterwards, in a physical relief I can only describe as an intoxicated euphoria, I lift my body up, awkwardly reach down and grab the potty seat, the bag, and try my best to not further desecrate the car’s upholstery. I tie the sloshing contents up tight, its knotted loops remind me of cute bunny ears. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How it's done.

Hot AF.

In all seriousness, props to this lady for making the logical decision & doing what she had to do to make her life--and that of her kids--easier in this instance. And for feeling secure enough to talk about it. There should be absolutely no shame or stigma in using diapers/adult diapers, wetting yourself or doing other things to avoid killing your bladder and kidneys. Whether on a long road trip, a flight or working at a job that doesn't allow easy bathroom breaks, this should be the norm rather than the exception. If you find yourself in desperate situations while driving often, it's always good to have an "emergency pee kit" in your vehicle. It should consist of a large trash bag, 1 or 2 thick bath/beach towels and a change of pants. Put the trashbag down first, covering as much of the seat as possible, then fold one or two thick bath or beach towels and sit on them to pee. You can also substitute an actual incontinence mat for towels. Having an adult diaper handy leaves even less mess. These items can be kept in the trunk or under a seat until you need them. Just be sure to observe safe driving practices while accessing and using them. And since peeing on an airplane seat can get you in major trouble, simply wearing a diaper during long flights is highly advisable for everyone--continent or not. If you're worried about TSA, request a pat-down rather than a scan. Radiation exposure is the common reason passengers give for skipping the body scanner, but these machines also expose the fact you're wearing a diaper (which will usually get you patted down and questioned anyway).

Would you like to see more "emergency pee" stories where the person wets themselves or pees in another unconventional way?