Canadian Playwright Talks To Her Bladder in a Fitting Room

Canadian author/playwright Helen C. Escott minces no words about her struggle to keep her pants dry in this cheeky blog post, specfically in the ladies' fitting room while trying on clothes.  She makes the salient point that, if store owners are tired of dressing rooms being pissed in, perhaps they should contain toilets INSIDE the dressing room area along with mirrors and such.  This article is actually suprisingly erotic, with quotes like:

(Horrified). Do not dribble! You squeeze tightly! Do not let one drop fall! (I squeeze my butt cheeks so tight; I could crush a walnut).

But you undid your pants! That means we must pee.

I have to try these pants on. Be good. I haven’t even had a sip of liquid today. There should be nothing in my bladder. You should be empty. I am completely dehydrated.

What can I say, I’m part camel. I store fluids just for times like this. By the way, I don’t think the pants fit. You’re squeezing me too tight. That’s not a good idea. You know we have to pee.
...and:

Uh-oh, why did I try on skinny jeans. (I finally pull them off along with my socks.) Hang on for just a few more minutes. I want to try on the other pair.

That’s not a good idea. I don’t think I’m gonna make it.

Just give me five more minutes and I’ll run to the bathroom.

Can we just pee on the floor? If we were out hiking, you’d just run behind a tree and pee on the floor of the forest.

You'll have to read the article to see if she makes it, but this is an all-too-familiar struggle for too many women of all ages.  The myth that it only happens to women who've given birth and are in their (forgive the pun) GOLDEN years is all wrong.  Incontinence, from mild overactive bladder to total loss of bladder control, strikes women and girls of all ages & reproductive stages, from childless fit athletes in their teens to post-menopausal women with several kids born through the birth canal, which is harder on the pelvic floor than C-Section (though those ladies also aren't exempt).  And of course men can also be affected due to things like enlarged prostate, neurological conditions such as MS or Parkinson's and a lifetime of holding their urine too long, though this tends to be less common.

I wanna give a shout out to this high-profile dignified dame for bringing attention to this issue in a way that's both humorous & relatable.  Wee salute you.  💛